Waking up on Christmas morning, I remember lying in bed, shaking with the excitement and anticipation of hope … wondering if Santa had really come to drop off presents during the night! Waiting for signs that my brother was awake and ready for presents, I could hear my mother cooking in the kitchen, while the familiar smells of sausage, bacon, eggs, and cinnamon rolls floated into all the rooms of the house! A heavenly choir was singing holiday songs on the TV, setting the stage for the wonderful times that we would share that morning laughing, eating, and of course opening our presents together as we did every year!
Wonderful memories are the gifts we carry with us from all the holidays that have passed and the hopes of the holidays yet to come. When my mother developed Vascular Dementia, that picture and those hopes faded …to be replaced with the sadness that our holidays would never be quite the same! In my mind, I referred to our life as “BD and AD”, before dementia and after dementia!
When you have a loved one who is experiencing the journey of dementia, holidays can bring with their stockings full of emotions that both support and contradict the experiences that filled our memories from the past. These contradicting emotions can be surprising and challenging.
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Thankfulness for the opportunity to have precious time with family is combined with anger over the changes that impact that family time.
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Laughter that was so easily shared when the family gathered is tempered by the shock of the changes in your loved one since the last holiday!
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Joy for the season is mixed now with the sadness that traditions cannot be quite the same anymore.
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And of course… the guilt …for ALL the feelings that you are having combined! They are good, bad, and sometimes even ugly!
If only someone had some shared words of wisdom and tips that would have eased the stress of the holidays and helped my family and I have a better understanding of what we were going through and how to manage this season!
Thankfully, Age-u-cate shares tips and tools with families and caregivers that offer and add value during the dementia journey all year long, but these tools are especially helpful for the holidays!
What I now know is this:
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Understand that it is ok! Knowing that you might experience a variety of emotions will help eliminate some of the guilt!
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Be patient and empathetic with your family and your loved ones with dementia
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Prepare your family with realistic expectations for the holidays and share the knowledge of what changes/behaviors they will witness!
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Take a deep breath…and allow yourself to be happy for the time you have to share with all those you love regardless of whether those “traditions” play out exactly like you hoped!
Click on the link below to receive a wonderful Easing Holiday Stress for Families Empowerment Tool sheet with helpful tips on how to understand and reduce the potential holiday stressors that will help create an atmosphere of patience and goodwill towards all!
Share this with your families and caregivers! It will be the gift that truly keeps giving all year long!
Looking back at those new holiday memories made with my children and my mother during her AD period, I am so thankful for them and for all the crazy, unpredictable moments that did bring joy, laughter, and yes… peace!
Happiest of Holidays to all!
